欧亨利短篇小说集(30)

"AndthenIcollaborateswithmyself,andoffersthefollowingresolutionsandby-laws:
""Friendshipbetweenmanandman,"saysI,"isanancienthistoricalvirtueenactedinthedayswhenmenhadtoprotecteachotheragainstlizardswitheighty-foottailsandflyingturtles.Andthey"vekeptupthehabittothisday,andstandbyeachothertillthebellboycomesupandtellsthemtheanimalsarenotreallythere.I"veoftenheard,"Isays,"aboutladiessteppinginandbreakingupafriendshipbetweenmen.Whyshouldthatbe?I"lltellyou,Paisley,thefirstsightandhotbiscuitofMrs.Jessupappearstohaveinsertedaoscillationintoeachofourbosoms.Letthebestmanofushaveher.I"llplayyouasquaregame,andwon"tdoanyunderhandedwork.I"lldoallofmycourtingofherinyourpresence,soyouwillhaveanequalopportunity.WiththatarrangementIdon"tseewhyoursteamboatoffriendshipshouldfalloverboardinthemedicinalwhirlpoolsyouspeakof,whicheverofuswinsout."
""Goodoldhoss!"saysPaisley,shakingmyhand."AndI"lldothesame,"sayshe."We"llcourttheladysynonymously,andwithoutanyofthepruderyandbloodshedusualtosuchoccasions.Andwe"llbefriendsstill,winorlose."