欧亨利短篇小说集(33)

"Now,fromthestartofthatcourtshipIhadPaisleyFishhobbledandtiedtoapost.Eachoneofushadadifferentsystemofreachingoutfortheeasyplacesinthefemaleheart.Paisley"sschemewastopetrify"emwithwonderfulrelationsofeventsthathehadeithercomeacrosspersonallyorinlargeprint.IthinkhemusthavegothisideaofsubjugationfromoneofShakespeare"sshowsIseeoncecalled"Othello."Thereisacolouredmaninitwhoacquiresaduke"sdaughterbydisbursingtoheramixtureofthetalkturnedoutbyRiderHaggard,LewDockstader,andDr.Parkhurst.Butthatstyleofcourtingdon"tworkwelloffthestage.
"Now,Igiveyoumyownrecipeforinveiglingawomanintothatstateofaffairswhenshecanbereferredtoas"neeJones."Learnhowtopickupherhandandholdit,andshe"syours.Itain"tsoeasy.Somemengrabatitsomuchliketheywasgoingtosetadislocationoftheshoulderthatyoucansmellthearnicaandhear"emtearingoffbandages.Sometakeituplikeahothorseshoe,andholditoffatarm"slengthlikeadruggistpouringtinctureofasafoetidainabottle.Andmostof"emcatchholdofitanddragitrightoutbeforethelady"seyeslikeaboyfindingabaseballinthegrass,withoutgivingherachancetoforgetthatthehandisgrowingontheendofherarm.Themwaysareallwrong.